For the longest time, I avoided meeting new people. I avoided going out because I didn’t want to hear the question, “So what do you do?” For almost five years after graduating from uni, I felt like I was stuck in a rot. I couldn’t figure out what to do with my life. It didn’t help that the people around me seemed to have figured their lives out from birth. It also didn’t help that I’m young and beautiful. I say this as a fact, not pride. But being young, beautiful, and somewhat smart made it even harder to admit out loud that I was struggling.
I would wake up in the morning, which I dreaded, because I didn’t know what I was waking up to. I felt useless most days. In those years, I worked some jobs, moved cities, tried to pick up tech skills, and still somehow felt like a colossal failure. But why? Why does our sense of identity hinge so tightly on what we do to earn money?
I’m Christian. Many of my values are built on my faith. I know my identity is supposed to be anchored in Christ. Yet during those years, I felt like a nobody. And I say this with care: I’m not writing as someone who has fully overcome this feeling. I still have moments where the old despair tries to creep back. But something shifted this year.
When I started working on Stix and Codes in January 2025, I noticed a difference in myself. It was like something in me woke up. I felt alive again. I believed in what I was building, and I was excited to talk about it. I didn’t even realise it at first, but there was a new energy in how I went through my day. I suddenly enjoyed introducing myself as a tech educator.
But again, why? Why do we tie our identity so tightly to what we do? I don’t have the answer. I once heard that the French don’t introduce themselves by talking about their jobs when they meet people for the first time. I’m yet to confirm this, but I hope it’s true. It feels like a healthier way to see who people really are.
I know our identity shouldn’t be tied to our work or our earnings. I know we are layered people, with different parts and different depths. Yet because we see ourselves through the lens of our jobs, we end up judging others the same way. And honestly, that’s pathetic.
I may not have a neat conclusion here, but I hope I keep stepping back to ask myself who I truly am. What makes me, me. I hope I spend my days serving others, not just chasing things. And I hope I learn to live fully, for myself and not for the approval or validation of anyone else.